The Rev. Casey dunsworth

serves as Associate Campus Pastor to the Belfry, the Lutheran-Episcopal Campus Ministry to UC Davis

and as Program Director for LEVN, the Lutheran Episcopal Volunteer Network.

Doubting Thomas

I'm not sure who wrote this, exactly. The internet has a way of providing a lot of things without all the information. But this is a perspective on the Apostle Thomas that I just LOVE.
--
Everyone but me, it seems--
where was I
that I should miss this grace?
My grief perhaps more
that I could not be consoled by the others
driving me to the streets
to the temple
to the tavern
hoping for some sign.
What did you say? What did you promise?
How could you heal so many
and yet let this be?
I begin to understand Judas now
because you betrayed our hopes.
Maybe he understood more than the rest of us
how wrong we were.
I couldn't stand with John and the Marys
to watch the symbol of my hope destroyed,
but in my own dark corner of despair
I heard your words within me,
"My God, MY GOD, why have you forsaken me?"
Abandoned even more now
that the others have seen you
How can I believe? How can I trust
words again when I so misunderstood your own?
"Peace," they say. "He is alive."
And then they scorn me for wanting proof,
yet did they believe until they saw?
Why is more asked of me?
After all that has passed
I need to see--no, I need to touch
I need to hear your voice again
speaking to me---to ME.
Doubting Thomas they call me,
but haven't we all gotten so much wrong before?
Fighting to be first, cowering in storms,
still counting the loaves and fishes in our minds,
wondering how so few could feed all those thousands, and running away in disbelief
from the cross that hangs over me still.
I've made too many mistakes already
and if it's true,
the only thing that I can trust
is that you will forgive.

What About Thomas? -- John 20:19-31

Easter Sunday